Sunday, May 30, 2010

How to Fake Your Own Death

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I don't know what happened in your life, but if you find yourself in a situation where you have to disappear... well Sir Arthur Conan Doyle via his character Sherlock Holmes might be able to help you out.


The article below is excerpted from The Sherlock Holmes Handbook: The Methods and Mysteries of the World’s Greatest Detective by Ransom Riggs.
“I owe you many apologies, dear Watson, but it was all-important that it should be thought I was dead, and it is quite certain that you would not have written so convincing an account of my unhappy end had you not yourself thought that it was true.” - Sherlock Holmes, “The Empty House
Any consulting detective as successful as Sherlock Holmes is sure to rack up an impressive list of powerful enemies, and sometimes—as Holmes decided was the case in “The Final Problem”—the best way to escape their vengeance is to fake one’s own death. This is by no means an option for the faint of heart. Not only is it a cruel thing to inflict upon those who care for you, but it requires an exceeding amount of bother to execute the deed properly. Pray that you never have to embark upon the steps outlined here!

1. Design a persuasive death scene. The best kind—and your only option, really—is a death that leaves no recognizable body behind. Explosions or fires are good choices, provided you plant a skeleton in the wreckage that may plausibly be identified as your own. Water-related tragedies in which the corpse is unrecoverable are also ideal, as was Holmes’s choice in “The Final Problem”—he made it appear as though he’d tumbled over the lofty Reichenback Falls, the treacherous bottom of which authorities didn’t even bother to search for his remains. Holmes’s footprints led up to the precipice and disappeared, leading all concerned to conclude he had fallen to his death—when in fact he merely climbed over a nearby ledge, where he hid until the scene was deserted and he could make a stealthy escape.

2. Skip town. As long as you remain near your old familiar haunts or anyone who might recognize you, you’re in danger. Get as far as possible from your home and the scene of your “death,” as quickly as you can. When Holmes miraculously returns to London in “The Empty House,” he tells Watson about the exotic places he’d lived in the intervening three years: Tibet, Persia, Mecca, and Egypt, among other distant locales. Those were extreme choices, to be sure, but extraordinarily safe ones—the chances of his meeting someone there whom he had known prior to his “death” were low indeed.

3. Assume a new identity. Though your body lives on, your former identity must die. Grow facial hair, change your walk, and develop a new accent to help bury obvious traces of your former self. While traveling far and wide, Holmes went undercover as a Norwegian explorer named Sigerson, whose exploits and discoveries were fantastic enough to make international headlines. Yet he was never recognized as Holmes himself, so convincing was this disguise.

4. Arrange access to a supply of money. Travel is expensive, and you’ll no longer have access to bank accounts or lines of credit established under your real name. You can always bring cash with you or deposit money into an anonymous offshore account, but keep in mind that making any sudden, last-minute transfers or withdrawals into that account before your death is extremely suspect behavior. If you’re able to plan your death significantly in advance, make gradual, monthly transfers over a period of several years to avoid suspicion. Less advisable was Holmes’s technique: He revealed himself to his brother Mycroft, who became Holmes’s sole confidant and source of funds. Had Mycroft been compromised in some way, Holmes’s secret would’ve been revealed, and his life put into considerable danger. Which brings us to the next point:

5. Reveal yourself to no one. The wrenching heartache endured by your loved ones is your enemies’ most convincing proof you’re really dead. Should their grief-stricken ululations seem forced or overly theatrical, someone is sure to smell a rat. This profound separation from friends and relations will undoubtedly be the most trying aspect of your ordeal, as even cold and logical Holmes admits—-“Several times during the past three years I have taken up my pen to write to you,” he apologizes to Watson—but such cruel alienation is necessary. Holmes explains why: ”I feared your affectionate regard for me should tempt you to some indiscretion which would betray my secret.”

6. Wait until your enemies are at their weakest to return. With time, the fires of your enemies’ vengeance will cool, and their guard will fall. They may themselves die or be jailed (for such are dangers of the criminal life) and when they are at their most defenseless, as Holmes judged his to be shortly before his dramatic resurrection, it’s time to return home.

7. Minimize the shock to your friends and family. When Holmes finally revealed himself to Watson, he does it in such a shocking way—which Holmes himself later confesses was “unnecessarily dramatic”—that poor Watson, a veteran of war and a man of sound constitution, faints on the spot. Imagine the effect such an appearance would have on the elderly or the anxious, and do your all to introduce yourself to them gradually. Save surprising flourishes for your enemies!

Source [The Armchair Reader of Weird, Scary & Unusual Stuff]

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Friday, May 28, 2010

Pretty Model

1 comments

Source [fyeah, black beauties]

Having Books in your Home

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I stumbled across this article, Books in the home 'boost children's education' which explains that "keeping just 20 books in the home can boost children’s chances of doing well at school, according to a major study."

I wholeheartedly believe this to be true.

Growing up my parents weren’t “big” readers. We were the typical "working class" family and my parents spent most of their time preoccupied with working and providing for us (I have 3 other siblings) so reading was probably not high on their to-do list (even if they actually found the time to do it). Never the less our home was filled with random (seriously, I have no idea how most of the books got there) non-fiction books here and there.

And of course being the curious kid I was, I would pick them up and read. So at an early age I found myself reading 70s/80s self help books (my mom was into a lot of new-age stuff and they gave horrible advice), diet books (silly, silly diet books my mom would pick up), religious books (my dad went all religious for a couple years in the 80s) and any other random book in my house. Even though these things didn’t necessarily interest me, I just read them because they were there (and I had hours to kill as a kid) and well I liked to read.

I can also remember when I was around 9 years old our local supermarket started selling the encyclopedia, so each week you could buy A - E, another week, F - H and so on and my dad purchased them for us. This was pre-internet, where you had to use a book to get quick facts for homework assignments. Well those encyclopedias were wonderful! I can distinctly remember whenever I was bored I would pick up a book randomly and start reading.

So I encourage parents to just stock their home full of books and be comforted in knowing your kids will pick them up and READ!

Image Source [moline flickr]

Random Star Trek TNG Art

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Source [fyeah Captain Picard]

Thursday, May 27, 2010

British Cupcake

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Source [flickr]

SNL does Harry Potter

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Harry Potter parody with Lindsay Lohan

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

The letter B

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Books before boys because boys bring babies.

Source [booklover]

Killing Willis

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Source [flickr - ask_andrericardo]

Volcanologists and Vulcans

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Surfing the internet and half listening to whatever was on the science channel I noticed they were discussing volcanologists. Immediately I thought, "a specialist in Vulcan, say what!?"...

Until reality seeped into my mind and I realized they were discussing volcano's... not Vulcans.

Yeah, it's sad that my mind went to Star Trek instead of, well, real life.

Best photoshop I've seen in a while

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This is suppose to be a mash-up of Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law. It's so good, that it's kind of freakin' me out.

Source [onlyforshelly]

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Cute...

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Source [commanderspock]

And it can not be unseen - Harry Potter

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Warning: Below you will see photos of Harry and Ginny in their "older" make-up for the epilogue of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part II. So if you don't want to ruin the surprise of seeing the actors in the film please look away now. Personally, I couldn't resist but I'm sure some people would rather wait until the movie is released, but of course you won't see this until June 15, 2011, part II is released.













I have to say the make-up looks wonderful! But my only problem is, don't they look a little too old? They are only suppose to be 36 years old! They look more like 46!

To view more photos check out the SnitchSeeker.

Source [Felt Beats]

My Favorite Characters from books

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Pecola Breedlove from The Bluest Eye, Marla Singer from Fight Club and Barbara Covett from Notes on a Scandal: What Was She Thinking? are three of my favorite characters from books.

When I get a chance I will write why... eventually.

I HIGHLY recommend those books... if you want something quick to read, start with Notes on a Scandal by Zoë Heller, then Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk and finally sink your teeth into The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison.

Monday, May 24, 2010

be it gentleman or lady...

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The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid.
Jane Austen

Never Forget: Darlene Conner

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When I was a teenager, Darlene spoke for me when I could not speak for myself. I love her so.

Roseanne: What are you going to do this weekend?
Darlene: Nothing.
Roseanne: Isn’t that what you did last weekend?
Darlene: I’m not finished.

Source [bohemea]

Weekly Links

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I don't know why people continue to try and destroy my childhood.
  • Parents on Facebook - STFU, Parents shows the hilarity of status updates about their children
  • I probably won't make them but I sure like looking at these Italian Fries and since I'm talking about food, here's an how-to make baked potato chips
  • Have you ever seen this car? The Toyota Origin - looks pretty cool, but you can only get it in Japan
  • I love this website that allows you to paint like Jackson Pollock and not to mention lose track of time. By the way, this is a great site for very young kids to play.

Image Source [championawkward]

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Reading...

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I know the banner of my blog says, "I read books and surf the internet"... but lately I've been surfing more internet than reading books.

I consider reading fanfiction "surfing the internet". Speaking of which, I've been logging my fanfiction reading via delicious and I've read over 74 fanfiction stories this year (all Harry/Draco)... I really think this has become an addiction, for reals.

I digress.

Where was I, book reading. Ah yes!

So I'm still reading Dead in the Family by Charlaine Harris. I know! It's been forever... but I'm stuck on page 35. It's something about this book that just makes it so easy for me to stop reading and find something else to do or read. I can distinctly remember sitting in bed one night, reading the book, abruptly looking up and saying to myself, "you know, let me finish that one-shot fanfiction story first." You see, the book is not pulling me. Of course, I'm sure the book will pick up eventually but I have to admit, Eric and Sookie might not be doing it for me anymore. I know - the shame and horror!!!

Le sigh.

I'll get back to books eventually instead of day dreaming about books I want to read. I do enjoy adding books to my "to read" list in GoodReads though.

Conservatives... Abortion... and George Carlin

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click for larger

Source [beckysanspants]

Saturday, May 22, 2010

love everything about this...

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photo... especially the big hair and big glasses

Source [thegirlwiththefro]

When Book Trailers Go Wrong

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I will admit I am a sucker for a steamy regency romance novel (I’m a sucker for most things British by the way).

But a few years back, I read Double Fantasy by Cheryl Holt. I will admit it’s a horrible book (but I am a fan of the author), but the plot is so crazy that you just can’t stop reading (a wonderful airplane book in that regard). I won’t even try to describe the ridiculous situations which arise but it’s truly candy (think sour patch kids, nothing but sugar) for the brain.


Anyway, today I stumble across the book trailer for this novel (video above)… and well, ugh. If I saw this book trailer, I doubt I would have ever picked up the book. I don’t know why they made the pirate thing so prominent! It wasn’t a “pirate novel”… it was a regency novel… anyway… who cares… I don’t even know why I’m writing this. Stupid blog, allowing me to post whatever pops in my head.

Don't Watch This Movie

3 comments

Confessions of a Shopaholic...

Seriously, don't waste your time.

I know since I wrote this, part of you might be thinking, "it's probably not that bad" or "I want to see why it's so bad"... well, don't.

All I will say is, I got sucked in and forced myself to watch the whole thing because I was home alone and bored... and it wasn't until 20 minutes in that I thought, "dude, this is a horrible movie"... but at that point I was comfortable on the couch and wanted to ride it all the way to hell.

Save yourself. Do. Not. Watch. It.

Okay, for those who actually liked this movie and feel offended I have such a negative reaction to this film, all I can say is, "really!?"

One last note: The film is based on the Shopaholic series, as in books. I can only assume something went horribly wrong in the magic which makes a book a movie... but of course, I wouldn't know, I didn't read the books... but I will give the books the benefit of the doubt and will not assume they are bad (well, as bad as this movie).

End rant.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Your Library receipt

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I saw this on PostSecret.

I can tell this isn't a Free Library of Philadelphia (my public library) receipt, but now I think I'll start leaving my receipts in the books too, with a note saying, "if you want to chat about this book contact me on twitter - @camillereads".

Yeah, I think I'll start doing that.

Maybe someone will actually contact me... and then we'll become best buddies and share books... and have brunch every Sunday at some fancy bistro where we talk about books, tv and ... if this person is into fanfiction...

okay, okay... I'll settle down.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Finnegans Wake

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The last line of the first paragraph for Finnegans Wake by James Joyce Wikipedia entry (May 18, 2010 12:15 PM):
Owing to the work’s expansive linguistic experiments, stream of consciousness writing style, literary allusions, free dream associations, and its abandonment of the conventions of plot and character construction, Finnegans Wake remains largely unread by the general public.
I find this terribly hilarious! Especially after my failure to read the short story The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka.

I have not nor plan to read Finnegans Wakebut would like to meet people who have successfully completed the novel. Maybe if I get lucky someone will make it into a horribly long movie no one will understand in the year 2067.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

I Am Sick Today

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I am sick today... my throat hurts which causes me to speak in a whisper. It's kind of strange because I kind of like speaking in a whisper, but the hurting sucks.

Whenever I get sick I have this strange habit of trying to track down the person who actually got me sick, because I know my body wouldn't just revolt like this. Someone passed me their stupid germs and now I'm infected. Usually I trace the sickness to my sister's kids, a 3 and 2 year old... those kids are germ incubators, and I distinctly remember the 2 year old sneezing and allowing the snot to just sit there on his face while he looked at me (I don't think that kid likes me). Anyway, I remember forgetting the snot on his face when I was ready to go and I (silly me), picked him up and gave him a hug before leaving. Yup, that kid just infected me... I know it!

Another habit I have while being sick is thinking I'm going to die. Whenever I'm sick (even little colds), in my mind it's the end. I always feel like my symptoms are worst then they are... for instance, since my throat hurts I feel like the problem is really in my lungs and I have cancer or something. I can't help it... my mind just goes there.

I got issues.

But the good side of it is that I rarely get sick, maybe once a year if that.

On another note, I realize I've been grumpy all week... I'll remember not to blog while grumpy from now on. No need to bring everyone down with me... but misery, truly likes company.

Day Dreaming Again... Personal Assistant

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I just realized... my life would be a lot easier if I had a personal assistant.

Yup... a whole lot better.

Or maybe a manager, like actors and Hollywood people. Someone who wakes me up, tells me where I need to be and what I should do while there...

Someone to plan my meals and leisure activities...

oh wait...

Maybe I just want to be a kid again... my mom use to manage stuff like this for me all the time...

Evolution of eReaders

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I’m still Team Kindle.

Source [flickr]

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Cowards

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When a coward is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty.

George Bernard Shaw

So...

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I spent the weekend doing nadda...

but I usually spend the time thinking and searching for interesting tid-bits for my blog...

unfortunately, that means, the updates will be slow coming...

I know... I know... this totally effects YOUR life...

hahaha... I wish...

but look at what I just did... I posted something!

Kafka... still trying...

5 comments
Another book I checked out but didn’t read from the library - The Metamorphosis.

I couldn’t handle Franz Kafka, which is sad.

I know I have to read at least ONE short story from Kafka to say I’m a “well read person”… right?

Monday, May 17, 2010

The Curse...

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Two things:
  1. I wrote this at work, I just couldn't focus today
  2. I hate my handwriting... well today, I hate it today... tomorrow I might actually like it... who knows... I'm crazy.

Morning Links

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  • Find out who has "dumber" fans/followers on twitter via Stupid Fight
  • Learn about the anti-sagging campaign. Personally, I hate this sagging jeans "trend" but I also hate telling people how to live their lives.
Image Source [geekandhalf]

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Movie Trailer: The Switch

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Two words: Jason Batemen

Synopsis:
An unmarried 40-year-old woman turns to a turkey baster in order to become pregnant. Seven years later, she reunites with her best friend, who has been living with a secret: he replaced her preferred sperm sample with his own.
Trailer:

Even Data isn't impervious to the blue screen of death

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Kudos to the first person who can name which episode this is from... well not the blue screen of death part... but you know what I mean...

Source [failblog]

Who taught him to dance like that?

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This old man can really get down.



Source [The Daily What]

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Adorable Commercial

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Cute video which shows one woman throughout her life. Oh yeah, it's British too.

Driving can be very dangerous... especially when you run red lights

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Warning: this video is graphic and shows real car accidents.


Source [HTMLGiant]

Book Trailer: Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson

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A very minimalist book trailer, but damn, it's pulling me. Oh yeah, it's a "young adult" novel, like that matters.


Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson

Friday, May 14, 2010

Every Painting in the MoMA

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Visit the Museum of Modern Art

The “Desperate Housewives” of New York circa 1916

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I kid… I kid.

Source [Shorpy]

Funny Fail

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This made me laugh so hard my eyes teared a bit.

I laughed harder when I read it out loud to someone else.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

This reminds me of college parties

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which is sad... I think, kind of...

Warning: this song is dedicated to their need for "big booty bitches", if this offends you, do not hit play. Of course, I found it kind of funny.

True Blood Season 3 is almost here...

3 comments

A couple more weeks until True Blood begins (June 13th) and I have to say I'm getting a little excited.

Sookiestackhouse.com posted the synopsis for the first 3 episodes (don't worry, no major spoilers or anything, I'm you can find it in your upcoming TV Guide or something)
Episode 3.1: Bad Blood
Sookie turns to Eric for help finding Bill; Andy urges Jason to stay the course; Sam reconnects with his past; Tara seeks refuge from her grief. (Written by Brian Buckner; directed by Daniel Minahan.)

Episode 3.2: Beautifully Broken
Russell Edgington, the Vampire King of Mississippi, concocts a plan to consolidate his power. Eric remembers his past; Sam tests the strength of his family bonds; Tara finds an ally in a shady vampire named Franklin Mott. (Written by Raelle Tucker; directed by Scott Winant.)

Ep 3.3: It Hurts Me Too
In search of Bill, Sookie heads to Jackson, Mississippi in the company of Alcide, a werewolf bodyguard assigned by Eric to protect her. Jason is distracted from his police exams; Bud reaches the end of his rope; Arlene copes with unexpected news; Franklin charms Tara, and gets Jessica out of a jam; Eric bequeaths a gift to Lafayette. Haunted by visions from his past, Bill makes a surprising pledge of allegiance. (Written by Alexander Woo; directed by Michael Lehmann.)


Also this minisode features Eric and Pam:

Nerdy remix of Bad Romance

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So this is what Harvard Medical School students get up to in their down time... making remakes of Lady Gaga's Bad Romance... this one is called Lab Romance



Source [The Daily What]

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

The Greatest Goddamn Country In the World

2 comments



And just because, listen to the song America, F**k Yeah (warning: naughty lyrics)

Image Source [The Daily What]

To Be Old and Sad

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Source [Awful Library Books]

Sadly, your cake isn’t this cake

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Don't get the reference? watch this

Source [The Daily What]

Brontë Sisters Action Figures

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Don't mess with Charlotte, Emily and Anne Brontë.



Source [YesButNoButYes]

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Deathly Hallows...

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Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is still scheduled for release November 19, 2010... but I found these movie posters on the internet.


The Atchison Globe, January 10, 1882

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As Ye Olde News wrote, "Oooh! Victorian burn!"

Source [fyeahVictorians]

The Gallery of H.M.S. ‘Calcutta’

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The Gallery of H.M.S. ‘Calcutta’ (Portsmouth) 1877
by James Jacques Tissot 1836-1902

Watching Musicians

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I won't claim to be a classical music lover (I can't name a piece by ear or anything), but I do enjoy it. When I'm working on a difficult part of code (I'm a web developer) or need to really concentrate, I will put classical music on, it truly helps me focus.

But another thing I enjoy about classical music is watching people perform. These musicians are so into their music that you can't help but be moved. The contortions of their faces, the jerks of their heads, the furrow of their brow... you are pulled into the magic of the music just watching them!

For instance, how can you watch the clip below and not be moved?

Schumann : Quintet for Piano and Strings in E flat Major. Piano: Hélène Grimaud, Violins: Renaud Capuçon, Sayaka Shoji; Viola: Lars Anders Tomter; Cello: Mischa Maisky
Verbier Festival 2007

So you weren't moved? Well you might be a zombie... I'm just saying.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Movie Trailer: The Other Guys

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Will Ferrell is an actor whose films I will watch no matter what, he's that good.

Synopsis:
Two mismatched New York City detectives seize an opportunity to step up like the city's top cops whom they idolize -- only things don't quite go as planned.
Trailer:

Caps For Sale

2 comments
by Esphyr Slobodkina

I loved this book as a child.

Mr. W

2 comments
All I will say is, clever commercial... I don't want to give it away...



Source [How Stuff Works]

Monday Morning Links

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Vigo the Carpathian aka. Evil dude in Ghostbusters II
Image Source [Yes but No but Yes]

RIP Lena Horne

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Lena Horne, singer, actress, dancer and all around classy lady died May 9, 2010 at the age of 92.






I always remember that episode of A Different World where Lena Horne guest starred. You can watch the full episode: part 1, part 2 and part 3.

Source [CNN]

Sunday, May 9, 2010

When a commerical keeps it real

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I agree with HTML Giant... greatest commercial of all time.



Source [HTMLGiant]

Vader reading Potter

0 comments

Source [aliensexist182]

Why homosexuality should be banned [irony]

3 comments
Did you know hanging around tall people will make you tall? Just like hanging around gay people will make you gay? Well now you know!


Irony!

Source [Hot Gay Nerds - some posts NSFW]

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Movie Trailer: Bad Writing

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Bad writing... bad poetry... interesting documentary.

Steal two rabbits and get a month of hard labor

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Meet George Davey. He's ten years old. He was sentenced to one month’s hard labour in Wandsworth Prison in 1872 for stealing two rabbits.

Source [fyeahvictorians]

TV is love and don't let anyone tell you different

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Friday, May 7, 2010

Day Dreaming Again... Alex Trebek

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There is something about Alex Trebek's voice...

No one sounds like that...


Cool Photo Album

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We all use SD cards, well now you can have a photo album which looks like one.
Sadly they are currently out of stock.

Source [Holy Cool]
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